Life as We Know It (Love Not Included) (Volume 4) Read online

  Shit.

  Can ears climax?

  He doesn’t stop there, his hot breath continues gliding across my lobe as he drags his mouth along my cheek. Knowing exactly where my weak spot is my body reacts. Like a fiddle when it comes to him, he knows exactly how to play me. His mouth hangs just over mine. He doesn’t make the move to kiss me. But the look in his eyes tells me he is already mentally devouring me.

  “What are you doing?” I barely whisper. Because I know exactly what he’s doing.

  “I am going to thank you for making me one happy client.” And his mouth dips to where I beg it to be. His soft, needy lips press against mine just as the elevator door dings and opens.

  I’m not sure if Sam moves away from me but I certainly fling myself backward. He grabs at my hand just as I trip and almost fall over.

  We both turn to see his secretary enter the building. Giving me the stink eye, she turns to Sam. Plastering on a perfect smile, “Hello Mr. Dresden,” she chirps brightly, her perfect white teeth almost blinding me. She walks into the area, stepping over boards and rubble. She makes it to his side and uses her snaky hand to grab his bicep. Still offering him her adoring smile, she hands over a manila file. “Here are the files. Mr. Craft and his crew are on their way up. I figured I would come ahead of them to give you a heads up.”

  Oh you read that right. She annunciated the word come. I fight tooth and nail forcing my facial expression to stay expressionless. Are they like, an item? Has he? With her—?

  “No.”

  I shake off my crazy thoughts and turn to Sam. “Huh?”

  “Whatever you are thinking, the answer is no.”

  “What answer is no?” Bimbo Barbie asks still latched on Sam’s arm.

  I look from her, back to Sam. He’s obviously really is a mind reader because he waits for his statement to register. Then he raises a brow, waiting for me to get it.

  “Oh. Well I wasn’t wanting to know.”

  “Oh, okay I thought I just witnessed—”

  “I get it!” I cut him off. Enough poking fun at the weak.

  “Get what?” Crunchy interrupts us one more time. Sam thankfully takes that opportunity to brush her grip off his arm. “Bethany, are these all the files I requested?” He asks going from flirty Sam to all business Sam. Seriously hot.

  “Yes, Mr. Dresden. Everything that you requested is in there and ready.” How does this chic still have a job? I am on the fast track towards seriously disliking her. Sam takes no notice. He steps back into my space. “Here are all the files that you will need to begin the research on my investments.” He opens the file and takes a hefty look at the material, wanting to confirm he is satisfied with the information. Closing it, he hands it to me.

  I take it eagerly. I truly have no idea what he is asking of me, but research is research, right? I’ve done plenty of online research before. Online shopping research, ex-boyfriend research. How to quickly get permanent marker off your tits, research. Okay, so the last one was more like what chemicals would not burn my areola off. But, whatever.

  “Mr. Dresden, they should be up any minute now.” Sunbaked Barbie breaks our connection again.

  “So, okay then. I’ll take this back and start some research,” I say confidently.

  He doesn’t say anything. Just simply stares at me.

  “So, um, are we done then?” I ask. Not going to lie, I’m a bit disappointed in that. I thought that I would get to pretend I didn’t want anything but a working relationship with Sam, until I couldn’t fake my rebuttal any longer before having him ravish me in the elevator or something. Ignoring the scrutiny of his secretary’s disapproving reaction toward us, he leans in and whispers in my ear.

  “I don’t think I could ever be done with you.”

  He says it so quietly, I know Bethany doesn’t hear. He said it for my ears only. He pulls back and I don’t bother hiding the fog in my eyes. His triumphant smile confirms that he knows he won this round.

  “Shall we go greet them, Mr. Dresden?” Bubble popped. Sam pulls back and adjusts his tie. I tuck the file into my bag and turn toward the elevator. Just as Sam places his hand on my lower back to escort me, the elevator again dings open. A group of prestigious business men walk over the threshold of the level and into the space.

  Stepping in front of me to block my view, Bethany starts her welcoming spiel and throws Sam right into work mode. He looks at me with apologetic eyes, but I smile and nod, letting him know it’s fine. I walk past them, heading into the elevator, and when I look back, Sam has yet to take his eyes off me.

  Just as the doors close, I watch his lips move and, without needing to hear him, I understand what he mouths.

  “Never.”

  SO I GUESS THAT’S settled. It appears I am a glutton for punishment and it comes in the form of one hot man in particular. I figure…how bad could it be? I get to avoid my own office for a while longer, which means no grumpy Mr. Wellington, an automatic plus right there. And in return I get to be near Sam more often. The chances of me getting to have some pretty incredible sex increase—which apparently does a body good—and in the meantime I will get to learn about the earth.

  Mmmm, earth. It reminds me of Sam’s earthy scent. Of musk and pure man. I can still smell him, feel him. With his strong grip, strong chest, strong—

  HONK HONK!

  “Jesus Christ!” I bellow, the startling sound causing my body to jump. “Watch where you’re going!”

  “You’re in the middle of the street, lady!”

  I look around to see, that yes, I am. Good to know my daydreams don’t save me from avoiding death. I jump back onto the curb and hail a cab. Luckily enough for me, I get to play hooky, since Mr. Wellington thinks I am playing compliant accountant with Sam all day so, it’s home time for me.

  I’m on my way home when my phone dings, indicating I have a text message. I look at the screen to see it’s the number I programmed into my phone last night.

  Sam: Our meeting is not over, I need some more private time with you.

  “Fuck, how about I sit my privates right on your face.”

  “I do not take sex for payment. You pay me in cash.” What? I glance up, and the cab driver is staring at me from his rear view mirror. “Oh no…I wasn’t talking to you. Cash all the way, buddie. Trust me.” Ew.

  I sigh and lay back against the worn seat. My phone starts ringing and this time I see Patti’s name flash across my screen. “Horny hotline. How can I help you?” I sing.

  “Shit, finally, a wrong number dial paying off. I would like your VIP package please.”

  Laughing, “Sure thing, our VIP package comes with a year supply of batteries. Guaranteed to never run out.”

  “Well, thank fuck. This means I can probably stop buying stock in Energizer. Girl, you know I keep them in business.”

  I bust out laughing because that statement is a solid fact. I have never seen someone with such an array of sex toys that need batteries, and ones that run out so quickly.

  “Okay, enough of my battery operated orgasm problem, where are you? Wanna fake sick, leave work early and go to Comet’s for their lunch special? We can sing some karaoke and drink them out of tequila and wine.”

  “Patti, it’s Wednesday.”

  “Yeah, and did you know that Prince was born on a Wednesday? Didn’t stop him from partying like it was 1999.” As much as I want to battle her nonexistent rock star knowledge, I think I really just want to go home.

  “Please! They have this new lineup during prime lunch time, and I hear it’s totally up our alley.”

  Calling anything up our alley will definitely not sell me. What up our alley means is I will be in no shape to go to work for the next three days and I’ll have to spend more time than that scanning all of the social media sites for repercussions of said up our alley night.

  “I know what you’re thinking, and I promise. We will not see the inside of a police station. One hour. I promise, and then you can run home.”
/>   Ugh, I really just want some downtime. Time to lie in bed, and sniff my skin where Sam’s scent and touch might still linger. Wow, that sounded super pathetic. Okay, maybe I do need to go out. Fill my time with other things, and not the borderline obsession I may have just admitted to.

  “Fine. One…okay, maybe two drinks, then I’m out.”

  “Whoo hooo!! I love having my Penny back. Meet me there in an hour.” She hangs up which allows me no room to argue or negotiate. I lift my head to see where we are.

  “Hey um, sorry, there’s been a change in plans. Can you please take me to Comet’s? It’s off Jackson.”

  The cab driver looks at me through his mirror and smiles. “Ah Comet’s. I hear about that place today. You get your wish fulfilled there. I take you.” Then he steps on the gas, sending me flying back into my seat.

  Fulfill my wish?

  “Are you fucking with me right now?”

  “No way, man! Just give it a chance. I heard some girls at work talk about it. It’s gonna be a great time!”

  “A male review during lunch? Really Patti?”

  “Yup. Dude look at that guy over there. He’s got that helicopter thing down perfectly.” She begins to walk his way and I lunge, grabbing her shoulder. “You said we were going to sing karaoke.”

  “Oh yeah, well I think you can sing with them if you want. But I’m gonna pass on that today. I want to see what kind of new dance moves these fellas can teach me.”

  I grunt.

  Then growl.

  Then sigh.

  It all makes sense now. The cab driver’s words. I have entered the perfect place if I wanted to sit my privates on someone’s face. Damn you, cab driver. I take the double shot Patti bought me—since she knew she was in trouble—and I slam it.

  My mood picks up a bit when my favorite part of life’s existence happens. The warmth of the tequila elegantly slides down my throat. Yum. And as much as I want to go home and work out my own personal aggression, I’m actually beginning to find amusement in what’s transpiring before me. The male review consists of a group of seven guys trying to put together a dance routine. They’re all dressed in what a girl would call a scrunchie. Or hair tie. Because my thong is wider than what’s in between those ass cheeks.

  “Holy hell, do you think they do birthday parties. We can tell them it’s your birthday and invite them over. We can finally use those exploding penis candles we bought.”

  I roll my eyes. “Patti, seriously? First off, it’s not my birthday any time soon, and we already used those candles, remember? You dared me to put them on my boss’s birthday cake in the breakroom?” She doesn’t even bat an eye. Still staring in front of her, she shakes her hand at me. “Yeah, but I ordered more. Just in case. I got the set that sparkles extra-long too. It’ll be great.”

  Seriously? I shake my head. I almost got caught putting those candles on the cake. I sent Marianne on a wild goose chase so she would stop guarding the damn breakroom. The great thing about exploding penis candles is that you never realize what they are until you light them. Hence why we bought a life supply one night when we were drunk. All it took was the simple light of a match, a solid thirty seconds for the wick to burn to where it needed to be, and boom! The candle exploded into a mini firework of confetti penises. The horror on Marianne’s face was amazing. The look on Mr. Wellington’s was priceless.

  “Oh shit.”

  “What?” I snap out of my memory and turn to Patti, wanting to know the reason for her ‘oh shit.’ She nods forward, and I turn just in time to watch all seven guys bend and pull.

  “Oh shit.”

  “Yeah.”

  “That couldn’t have felt good, tearing that string. Talk about horrible thong wedgie.”

  “WHOA!” We both say in unison as they all turn offering us a full frontal. I quickly turn looking around the rest of the bar. It’s still pretty empty, but this can’t actually be like legal can it? “Isn’t that like public indecency or some shit?” I question turning back to the scene.

  “Who the hell knows, but that’s a lot of meat right there.” We both Mmm and nod in agreement. Both taking a sip of our fresh drinks, we watch as the group separates, one little—in height and girth—hidden dancer comes into view.

  “Oh wow.” Patti starts to laugh.

  “Do you think he’s an intern?” I chuckle, and we both burst into a fit of laughter. Our laughter brings unwanted attention our way and everyone turns to look at us. I try and calm my shaky shoulders but the more my eyes take in, the harder it is to fight it. We both blow up into another fit of giggles.

  “Oh shit. He’s walking over here. Shut up.” I elbow Patti, who can’t seem to get herself together, in the side.

  “What’s up ladies?”

  “What’s up…uh little buddy?” At that Patti loses it and spits out her drink.

  “Oh you know, just livin’ large. I was hoping to ask a big favor of you.”

  I can’t. As I take a sip of my drink it comes right back up and out.

  All over little buddy.

  I mean really?

  I am so close to my bed, I can almost feel her. It’s imperative I take a shower first, though. I need to wash my eyes out. Apparently, the male review was for a one-day show only. The guys, who ended up being super nice, were trying to put together a skit so they could eventually end up in Vegas. They had been touring small hole-in-the-wall bars that seemed to have a good female base to get some attention. And attention is what they got. It was shortly after we fulfilled our favor by helping oil them up, that the bar got crowded. And by crowded I mean a small cage full of hungry lions. When two women got into a fight and started hair pulling because one got too close, it was my cue to leave.

  Now I am dragging my semi drunk legs up my apartment stairs wishing I lived in a fancy high-rise with a butler who could carry me to my door. I make it inside my building only to realize that the hallway to my door is blocked.

  “Dude, what the fuck?” I groan, looking to the side and debating on curling up with my neighbor’s doormat.

  “Oh Em Gee! Look at you, you are so darling. Do you live in this building? I hope so, because I can already tell you and I will love each other.” I turn to see a gorgeous guy with a model figure, tall and fit, bouncing back and forth.

  “Um…who…” My brain doesn’t want to work anymore. Brain needs sleep.

  “My name is Jamie, I just moved in. This floor. You must be Penelope. I asked the landlord about you. She described you to the T, girl.” He comes at me and hugs me. I stand there frozen, unsure of what to do with this spunky creature holding me. He doesn’t seem to want to let me go any time soon and I think I almost fall asleep on his shoulder.

  Finally releasing me, he brings his hands around my shoulders as if taking a good look at me. “I heard from a little birdy, aka Mr. Wilson, that you like to partay! Me too. Wanna crack open some margarita mix and learn everything about each other?”

  Bed.

  Want bed!

  I shake my head and groan, feeling bad for turning him down. He looks like a sad puppy dog now and I actually almost give in. But then I remember that I really really need to go to bed. And do something. To myself!

  “Totally going to take a raincheck. But next time, promise!” I smile and pat his shoulder. Good dog. He accepts my rejection and agrees with my promise for a next time.

  Bypassing all nightly routines, I head straight to my room. I’m now too tired to even get frisky with my shower. So after changing—a.k.a. throwing off all my clothes—I flop onto my bed and grab for my nightstand drawer instead. I pull out my oldest friend, Mr. Big. He’s been with me through thick and thin. And I mean “thick and thin.” Hey, I have had some pretty interesting experiences. I call it building my resume.

  I really need to upgrade Mr. Big, since he has been through a lot. He’s old and technology nowadays has a lot more to offer. But I feel like I can’t abandon him now.

  I turn and get snuggly under my covers.
I conjure up the sexiest man in my head and snuggle into my comforter. I picture Sam’s hand caressing down my naked stomach. Just watching him breathe today made me want to jam my hand down my pants for a good rub down. I want to take my time and enjoy this fantasy but I’ve been on edge since I left Sam’s building. The feel of his strong hands is still at the tip of my brain. I skim down past my belly button and lock my pinky finger into my panties. The buzzing on my inner thigh causes my eyes to flutter closed. My head lies against my feathered pillow and I move my hand to where I ache the most. The closer I get, the more Mr. Big starts to sputter. “Damn,” I mumble. Mr. Big has to have a wire lose because there is no way I should be replacing the batteries this soon. I smack him on my thigh to get him up and running again. As the buzzing hits full blast again, I continue on my journey to fulfillment.

  I decide on skipping any foreplay, and insert him right on up. This won’t take long anyway and I need to get to bed. As he’s about to slide all the way in, he stops again.

  “Dammit!” I groan. I pull out and, again, smack him on my thigh. He jerks a few times, then nothing. “Ugh. Mr. Big, I think it’s time we break it off.” I pull my hand out from beneath the covers and toss him back into my drawer. I’m not against an old fashion rub down, but I am pretty fucking tired.

  Back to the drawing board I go. I attempt to readjust myself to get comfortable. Set mood, insert beautiful sexy face in my head and—

  My phone beeps indicating I have a text message. I turn and look at the time. It’s close to ten o’clock. I doubt Patti is still up since she gets up at three in the morning for work. Ignore. Ignore.

  More grunting, more shifting and I finally give in to the curiosity. I throw my covers off and grab for my phone on the nightstand. I stare at the screen and see a text from Sam.

  Sam: How is my most valued employee doing?

  Humph. Wouldn’t he like to know?

  Me: I’m getting ready to go to bed.

  Another ding.